![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
musings of a forgotten teenager...
sophie-lou's journal
+
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
marriedonedaymerlingwen- - - - - - - - - -
I think a lot
And see that no matter
How much I think
The world goes on
The planets will spin
Around our meaningless
Minor brains
Our running rivers
And forest flames
Destroy the planet
Eat the life
That’s my muse
This is my art.
I wonder too much
Have too much to do
Can never say
A whole sentence
Without being
Cut off
By other people
And I muse on that too
I write stories
And try to draw
My deep down dreams
And they don’t
Matter
And no one cares
What the musing teen
Wants to say
Others don’t have a clue
They seem to have forgotten
The wonderful thoughts
Of being a teenager
So I write it here
In bad poetry
As a momento
To the thoughts
Of me
The musing teenager
So when I am older
And they are
Out of date
And have them
No more
I’ll remember my faults
But respect my innocence
To the pain and worry
Of the remembered adult
Yet I can smile
And recall
The musings of a forgotten teenager
-- Sophie Withall
01 January 2010 @ 00:00
27 January 2008 @ 14:40
Friending / Selective friending / Not friending
During the course of 2008 I created different journals for my icons and my fics (See my profile page) so that it wouldn't clutter my journal any more. As a friend at college correctly stated when I did so "There was no room for my musings" - bless her! I saw no point after that in keeping my journal public. Therefore I decided to make my journal a friends only journal.
NOTE
I am currently selectively friending therefore I am selecting people who I know from real life OR from communities. If you want to friend me just leave a comment telling me how I know you and I'll add you. PLEASE DON'T JUST ADD ME. I have a terribly memory and unless we talk all the time I might not remember you!
Current Mood: 
blah
blah26 January 2008 @ 18:38
Gee I'm depressed today, and my back is hurting, and I have lots of work to do. It be driving me mad. I wish I had a hole I could crawl into for the rest of this day, week, month and even come out because, to quote John Lennon, I'm so tired and haven't slept a wink. But I can't have a lie down because I jolt myself awake. If I had some pot I might smoke that but I'm a bit too much of a goodie two shoes to go looking for pot. Maybe if my back gets really bad I'll take a couple of pain-killers. That can sometimes knock me out.
I don't even have anything to think about at the moment.
EDIT: Decided to add my comment here because I've started ranting - my back still feels uncomfortable. Now i'm starting to feel really ticked off. I tried to sleep it off, but it still aching, so I'm going to take some more pain killers. It doesn't hurt so much as it's really uncomfortable.
I hate taking tablets; they make me feel 'drugged-up' and weary, which I feel anyway so it makes it worse!^^ I used to be scared they'd get stuck in my throat when I was a kid. It's only recently I've got used to them because I had to. *groans* It's been a bad day all around, just like yesterday. It's been a bad week what with the dentist, and having to go back to see him next month to have a filling *cries* He's a nice guy... I just don't like dentists. I should rant about that too in my entry...
I've hardly had a chance to rest it because I've been running arounf after my mum, who has made herself ill because the stupid doctor wanted to see her to see if she's valid for support money. Err, hello? The woman had a stroke, has had two operations replacing her knee caps, and nearly died around this time last year... someone like that should have to drag themselves to Romford to show how disabled they are. I think that's what did my back in, sitting around for ages and walking up flights of stairs, over and over. Gee, I feel like an old lady. You can see why my mum must be feeling rotten.
Right, that's my rant out of the way!
Plus, have you seen that daft advert with the cow and the slippers. "If cows were supposed to live indoors they'd be born with slippers?" Err... if humans were supposed to live indoors we'd be born with slippers too. Hmmm... looks like we should got back to living in trees with the other antrapoids, then.
Sophie
Current Mood: 
sick
sick23 January 2008 @ 00:24
Finally got all of the coursework pieces that had piled up on me last week out of the way - but it's far from over. I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow. Plus, I have to see the denist so I won't be in last period. I hate the denist. I also won't be in the period before lunch on Friday (Which means I have to miss English and I hate falling behind in that.) At least I have a gift for catching up with things. It's how I got through my GCSEs. I must have had the worst attendence for a model student last year because of men, my mum and other stuff... The ultimate irony that I'm now one of the only people that don't bunk classes, and therefore have a good attendence over all.
Anyway, dentist - I hate them. Not happy about tomorrow. Won these, by the way. I haven't made any icons in ages because of all this work. Or updated my journal for that matter. Sorry about that:
Sophie
Current Mood: 
worried
worried17 January 2008 @ 20:23
I'm bored so I'm writing down my ships. I just can't be bothered to do something more productive. It's tiring when your brain isn't functioning properly.
Sophie
Sophie
Current Mood: 
okay
okay16 January 2008 @ 23:23
Right, so just watched the new episode of Torchwood. Loved it and find the character of Captain John Heart very interesting. Good to see that Martha will be turning up some time during the series in what looks like a brilliant story line. Some old guy saying she's travelled in time and space is good enough to get excited. In this first episode Owen was talking about finding someone on his level, and Toshiko is hoping. We already know that Owen will be trying to have it off with Martha - but fail because she's still PG friendly. Tosh will apparently be jealous of Martha, Gwen will be curious (Though I imagine she'll be a little jealous), and apparently Jack "loves Martha in a non-sexual way", so it seems that Martha will be added to the list of Jack's love interests.
And doesn't he half have a list. Okay he comes back and has that talk with Gwen. One of my favourite moments in the episode was that talk with Gwen in the vaults. She tries to find out what was going on with him, why he left and why he came back. Jack's emotional response made me smile and get tense at the same time. The way he spoke about dying many times, and seeing the end of the world. Gwen's response was good too. She clearly missed Jack an awful lot and wanted him to spill out his heart. And he did. I can't remember what he said exactly but he said he came back for them, and that was enough. His grabbing of Gwen's hand and finding she's engaged was interesting too. He seemed disappointed that she was engaged, and tried to breeze past it. The way Jack was behaving - it's like he's had some sort of ephiphany since "the year that never was."
Okay, also got a lot of coursework. I'll have time to do it on Friday, I hope, and this weekend. I'll be run off my feet, I tell you.
Sophie
And doesn't he half have a list. Okay he comes back and has that talk with Gwen. One of my favourite moments in the episode was that talk with Gwen in the vaults. She tries to find out what was going on with him, why he left and why he came back. Jack's emotional response made me smile and get tense at the same time. The way he spoke about dying many times, and seeing the end of the world. Gwen's response was good too. She clearly missed Jack an awful lot and wanted him to spill out his heart. And he did. I can't remember what he said exactly but he said he came back for them, and that was enough. His grabbing of Gwen's hand and finding she's engaged was interesting too. He seemed disappointed that she was engaged, and tried to breeze past it. The way Jack was behaving - it's like he's had some sort of ephiphany since "the year that never was."
Okay, also got a lot of coursework. I'll have time to do it on Friday, I hope, and this weekend. I'll be run off my feet, I tell you.
Sophie
Current Mood: 
satisfied
satisfied
curious14 January 2008 @ 20:12
Because I've been doing a lot of non-diary entries here I decided to do what most people do and make a community for all of my icons, stories and so on. All the old ones will stay here but any new ones will go in the new community. Thank you for listening.
Here it is:forgottensophie
Sophie
-
Here it is:
forgottensophieSophie
-
Current Mood: 
hyper
hyper13 January 2008 @ 15:22
Title: Parallel Worlds
Genre: Howl's Moving Castle, book-verse
Rating: T (FanFiction.net)
Summary: Sophie is a witch, but not by chance. She is part of something bigger than she could ever imagine. Upon finding things that once belonged to her late mother, including a strange book, the truth about her world is uncovered. Bringing back beloved characters Sophie, Howl, Calcifer and Michael, as well as introducing new ones such as the mysterious Alan Smith.
Genre: Howl's Moving Castle, book-verse
Rating: T (FanFiction.net)
Summary: Sophie is a witch, but not by chance. She is part of something bigger than she could ever imagine. Upon finding things that once belonged to her late mother, including a strange book, the truth about her world is uncovered. Bringing back beloved characters Sophie, Howl, Calcifer and Michael, as well as introducing new ones such as the mysterious Alan Smith.
Current Mood: 
content
content06 January 2008 @ 23:10
Title: For Every Reason
Genre: Howl's Moving Castle, book-verse
Rating: PG (Just to be safe)
Summary: Sophie answers a very compelling question: why does she love Howl?
- - - -
Why do I love him so much?
Genre: Howl's Moving Castle, book-verse
Rating: PG (Just to be safe)
Summary: Sophie answers a very compelling question: why does she love Howl?
- - - -
Why do I love him so much?
People always ask me that and when I tell them they always say “That’s not a reason!” Well, so what? I don’t care if it is a reason to them or not. It is my reason. I just love him and there is no way to explain it. At times I used to doubt his love for me but never mine for him. I always thought, back when we met, that I was safe from ever falling in love with him behind my old lady exterior… but I couldn’t. It’s like it was predestined to happen the way it did. Like it was written in the stars…
Ha, yes, a star called Calcifer!
If you can’t understand then don’t ask! It’s not my fault that my love isn’t the perfect fairytale that all people imagine marriage should be. Keep your fairytale! There is no way I’ll let children’s stories rule my life.
Howl isn’t exactly a fairytale prince, is he? I mean how many princes run away and leave you to chop the dragon’s head off? Oh, he can be brave if he needs to. He has been brave for my sake many, many times.
Oh, but he is so vain, so selfish sometimes, and I can’t get him to do any of the simple things. I’ll be like, “Howl, put that shelf up!” and he’ll say, “Yes, in a minute!” and then several months later I’ll ask again, and he’ll say “Oh not now, cariad!” and then we argue about it. I’m one of the only people who can make him angry. I’m not nagging I’m just telling him. Every married woman can relate to this, you ask him to do something, and it never happens, so you have to either do it yourself or bring in a handyman to put it up, right?
Well, I got Michael to do it in the end in return for one of my strawberry short cakes. I know how much he, Martha and the children love them, and it was the least I can do. Then, once it’s all done, I draw Howl’s attention to the wall to see if he notices anything different. “What do you see?” ask I, and he looks and looks and says: “Oh, have you cleaned again?”
Typical, the best wizard in the country, maybe even the world, in anyway world, maybe… Yes, defiantly in every world I know of or have seen, and Howl has shown me a lot, he is the best… and he won’t even put up a bloody kitchen shelf. He forces me to ask my busy brother-in-law, who has enough on his plate with six children and another on the way, to put it up.
“You should have asked Ben or something!” he’d say.
“Ben can’t DIY to save his life,” say I, “and I asked you!”
“When did you ever ask me? I don’t remember!”
“Four months ago I asked you!” doesn’t make you want to fume when they do that? “And again last month, and nothing happened. This shelf has been lying there on that floor for months and months, gathering dust. Meanwhile my spices are piled up on top of the fireplace and they keep bothering Calcifer. The other day Morgan came in here and knocked the whole lot over. All over the floor! Calcifer wouldn’t stop sneezing.”
“Only four months?” questioned Howl in his way. “You need to have more faith in me. I normally do these things eventually. Remember your oddments shelf? I put that up.”
“Yes, after eight months. I had the twins in that time frame, Howl!”
“I still put it up, didn’t I?”
Goodness, all men are the same it turns out. Well, he’s not perfect but he’s Howl and I wouldn’t have him any other way. He wouldn’t be the man I fell for if I didn’t have to nag him to do every little thing. I think I’d go mad with a perfect husband. To have a man who did everything when I asked him to, or never disagreed with me, or could walk into a room without making a mess in a swing of a door, would bore me and make me feel out of place, cheap, and a bad person.
With Howl I think that because we are both terribly faulted we feel comfortable with each other. I have never really taken account of his faults and I don’t think he has of mine. Fine, he points out I’m nosey but I have other bad habits too. He never points them out. He never makes me feel bad. In fact, he makes me feel amazingly good with myself. He’s a waste of space sometimes, he’s lazy, messy, vain, selfish… no, no; he is not selfish, not really.
Not many people realise this but Howl is very, very selfless when it comes down to it. He does everything in his power to protect me. When danger, real danger faces us, and there is no escape, he will shield me from the flames. Even if he has to face his greatest fears, face certain death, he will do it for me. I know this because he has done it. They are not the words of a husband that mean nothing. That isn’t Howl’s style. He won’t even kiss me in public. He doesn’t go for all of the poetic talking that turn some women to jelly. He can’t say anything directly. I’m not stupid and I know people lie, and Howl could fib his way out of a room with no doors, and I know some men are pigs but not my Howl.
Some may have that believed Howl to be cowardly and selfish but he just isn’t. I know him better than any of you who might not understand why I stay with him or why he stays with me. I’m the only one who can see just how self-sacrificing and brave he is. Even Howl doesn’t realise it. But he is, he is, he is!
And that’s why, I think, he prefers me to other women, because I see all these things, his faults, and still loves him more than them. Believe me, I knew he was a cad a while before I fell in love with him. He thinks I see things in him that aren’t there. But I see the real Howl. I’m the only one who sees the real Howl.
Okay, he’s a cad but he’s my cad! Dear me, how pathetic was that? I don’t care. We all need some moments of weakness. I’m not blinded by love… Oh, maybe I am. But then, why else do you love someone? Pray tell, why do you love your partner so much? Can you answer that question easily?
Why do I love Howl so much? Because I just do; does everything need a reason?
- - - -
- - - -
Current Mood: 
complacent
complacent02 January 2008 @ 22:42
Well, back to work. I've been very slowly doing college work and revision. I haven't been in the right mind set what with my grandmother and all. Oh well, I'll try my best. I know I know I have the knowledge and mum said she'd help me with a study night. We're going to watch A Hard Day's Night too. Goodie gum drops. Anyway, I think she can help me with cognitive dev. because she studied it once too. Sometimes, if I just talk about it, then I remember it all. Oh, been working on my books today, wrote a bit on Julia, a bit on JR and a bit on my mum and my theory on Jack the Ripper. I also had a look at "Another World" for the first time in six months. It's such a good idea I can't believe I left it. I also found "Human Trash"! Gee, I need to do some editting. Not enough time now though. Next time I have free time, sure, but not now.
Sophie
Sophie
Current Mood: 
confused
confused