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Fanfic:

Series: Doctor Who
Characters: The Doctor, The Master (and Martha)
Notes: Spoilers for episode 3.11 "Utopia"
The Doctor's thought upon finding out that the Master is alive.


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Lonely Gods


Ever since we became the infamous aliases of “the Doctor” and “the Master” we have been anything but cosy. It’s like a tragic love story, or that was how I had once seen it. Two people who are outcasts of their society forced to change by people who claim they know better. A pair of renegade Time Lords fighting to change the society for what we think is better, and all they do is resent us for it. Two lonely gods, wandering through their lives alone; two souls thrown into the void of time and space: If humans had a chance they could make a film about the Master and me.

I couldn’t feel you—because you were human all along. In the Professor’s eyes, I had seen a man who I could care for, who I wanted save from that barren planet at the end of the universe. I could see us all travelling together, two lonely gods, two people—and Martha, wouldn’t leave her behind, or Jack—wouldn’t dare leave him behind again! Jack, Martha, the Professor and me, all together in the old motor; my sensitive old TARDIS!

Why did you have to open that watch and ruin a good thing? I suppose it is too much to expect you to leave your life locked up in that watch. To live a lie when the universe needs what you call a supreme Master of all Masters. I cannot judge you nor call you a coward. It’s no different from the urge I felt when I pulled the same trick on the Family of Blood. You should have met them—now they were something to hide from—the thought of returning to that watch, to living a lie forever until I died, no way, certainly not.

The tragic thing is this—you were a good man, a kind man, a saintly man who gave your life for those humans trying to reach Utopia. You gave up his life to serve them. That was how you would be as a human.

You weren’t like me, or what there was of me in that human; a man who was foolish and stupid and careless. If you put John Smith and the Professor into a room together, I’m sure that he would have been kind to old John, putting up with his stupidity. John Smith would never have done what Professor Yana did. I was rubbish at humanity, and yet I’m the one who spends my days adopting them into my world. It is such irony that you, the Master, who hates humanity above all creatures made such a wonderful man.

Oh, if there is a way to lock him in that watch and keep him in my pocket forever then tell me now!

As soon as Martha told me about that watch, I knew it had to be you. How could it not be? You would survive the crunch of the universe! The Master, the Master, and the Master again! The Face of Boe’s words, playing over and over in my head, like a broken record; or the drums inside the Professor’s head.

So that’s why I thought I was alone: you made yourself human, you sly fox. But why human, of all creatures, you chose to be the animal you hate the most? Is it because you thought not one would look for you there? Or is it because you knew, somewhere those old hearts of yours, that I would one day find you? You knew that I would find you, pity you, rescue you, and sooner or later discover that watch…

And you stole my TARDIS, I always knew you would! While waiting to be given our assignments by the Time Lords we had spoke of what was to come. The Time Lords wouldn’t have a war without us to help—we are both geniuses and expendable. You told me that if all hell broke out and I truly died for good, you’d rush off with my TARDIS before the Daleks could get a shot off on you.

“You can’t go around, stealing other people’s TARDISes” I told you.

“Your granddaughter stole my TARDIS” you retorted, “And now I’m doing the same to you. I think that’s fair.”

“Punishing me for something Susan did? How is that fair?”

“Would you rather I stole from your own granddaughter, then?” you asked harshly. You spoke in a voice which was as sympathetic as he could, which was anything but comforting. “Maybe I should… Oh, wait! I can’t, can I? She’s dead.”

Swords through the hearts would hurt less then some of your cut-throat words, Master. I don’t blame you for hating me for leaving you. In all the darkness, the chaos and destruction I didn’t think to go back to check if you had died or regenerated or were still alive all those years ago when we were fighting on the front lines.

I don’t know how you got to this place and I probably never will know. But you did, and in the watch lived an angry giant who wanted revenge on the man who left him on our burning planet. We were attacked, you were dead, I ran for my life and took my old girl with me… I admit, I thought I did hear and see you as I took off in the TARDIS…

I thought it was just a dream.

Wishful thinking, yes, even for you I wished it was not true that you were dead. No one wants to be alone, but you have always been alone. When I had my family: my partner, my children, and my grandchildren, you had nothing. And I am sorry for you.

Watching helplessly outside, watching the orange glows of your regeneration. You turn on the speaker so I can hear: “Now then, Doctor… Oh, new voice… Hello… Hello… Hello!”

I might have said the same thing. I can’t even see you but I imagine you a young man. If I’m young then you think you should be too. That’s how you work. It's how I work.

“Anyway,” you finally say. “Why don’t we stop and have a nice little chat while I tell you all my plans and you can find a way to stop me? I don’t think!”

“Oh my God, I know that voice!” I hear Martha cry.

“I’m asking you, really, properly!” I beg, I’m begging to you, listen to me. You should be pleased that I, your greatest enemy the Doctor begging to you; “Just stop, just think!”

“Do you expect me to do that?” I could hear you think. “If I was you and you were me, would you let me in? And don’t lie and say you would… you didn’t the last time. You took off without me, leaving me to reduce myself to the very basics by turning myself into a disgusting, weak-willed human!”

“Say my name” you order me, bitterly cheerful and happy.

Before, he was the Time Lord I always feared, and rivalled; but although he has never had anything but discontent for me I cannot help but feel a great respect for him. I admire him above all Time Lords. Together, we are not only the Last Time Lords but also the greatest and most intelligent.

My jaw shakes, I’d cry if I dared, my eyes wide, pleading, hoping that he will see reason. “Master…” I pause, trying to swallow my fear, my sorrow and regret. “I’m sorry…”

If I could see your face I imagine it was smiling when you replied: “Tough!”

There was no point in stopping you, although I tried, there was no point, “Oh no you don’t!” you snap angrily.

The TARDIS begins to dematerialise. You old, familiar laugh rings in my ears like the chimes of death. Forever we both remain; we both travel in the space of time, alone forever; unless we accept the change, unless we learn to work together. If we fight like animals we shall die like animals! We are the last of the Time Lords; we have to survive for each other…

“The end of the universe; have fun! Bye-bye!”

But you don’t know, do you? You didn’t hear me when I told you it was just you and me alone in the universe. Even if you had, would you have believed me? No, of course not: I don’t blame you either. If you had told me the same thing I wouldn't have believed you. We were always deaf and death to each other weren’t we?

And yet, for all my follies and for all your cruelty, I feel as if we know each other very well, as if we are of the same mind. We are of the same mind—same behaviour, same in-jokes, same university, same breed, same everything. You are the anti-Doctor and I am the anti-Master. You are night and I am day. You are moon and I am the sun. You are fire and I am ice. We are ancient and forever, we burn at the centre of time, and can see the turn of the universe. We are fire, and ice, and rage, we are the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. We are the mighty warriors who survived the Great War, a couple of souls lost in the flow of time.

A pair of Lonely Gods, all alone in the universe; but I will make you see it, one day, I will make you see it…

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All my love,

Sophie

xxx